personal

A collection of 4 posts

Rejection is Hard

For the first time ever, I did not get a job I interviewed for. This was my first technical interview and I knew there was a very good chance I wouldn’t get the job, yet it still doesn’t feel good.

It feels like what I bring to the table isn’t valued. Perhaps it isn’t. Perhaps I wasn’t ready for approval.

Regardless of the other party’s reasons, it’s up to me to decide how to respond to the rejection.

Will I wallow in the sting, feel hopeless, and give up?

Can I take the rejection as a motivator, learn from my mistakes, and move on to another opportunity?

The ball is in my court, so to speak.

Thirty Four

Thirty Four

34 things I've learned in 34 years, in no particular order.

  1. Looking at my cell phone first thing after waking up nukes my productivity for the day.
  2. Successful planning, for me, is about defining small, medium, and long-term goals, and less about filling my calendar.
  3. I can set an achievable goal for the year and knock it out. I ran 800+ km last year.
  4. Running a half-marathon over a mountain is hard and rewarding.
  5. I like travel. I like being with my family more. I guess I'm a homebody.
  6. I let life slip by because I'm afraid to disturb my comfortable status quo. I fear derailing my own perceived harmony of life.
  7. Change is good. Status quo is bad.
  8. Having difficult conversations is...difficult, but the short term pain usually leads to long-term gain, as they say.
  9. I hold onto anxiety like a soft pillow with a mine inside. It strangely comforts me until it explodes.
  10. I don't really care as much as I thought for material things.
  11. Restrictions are freeing, if I choose to thrive within them.
  12. Having less of anything is freeing.
  13. Emotions lie. Rational thought rules.
  14. Kids are hilarious and creative. Watching them grow up is amazing.
  15. Learning to live in the shadow of chronic illness is challenging, but can bind families together.
  16. My brain is a misfiring superhighway of spasticity.
  17. Omega 3 is good for the brain. I take it everyday now.
  18. Sometimes the easiest solution is the answer to the problem. See Occam's razor.
  19. Life could be worse.
  20. Thinking the best of something or someone doesn't come naturally to me.
  21. Coffee (caffeine) is addicting. I have a chemical dependency.
  22. Working for people who share a similar worldview is pretty amazing.
  23. Working for people who trust me to do what's best and right is comforting.
  24. I have a great job and work with amazing people.
  25. Deciding to replace the fence is not the same as doing it.
  26. I've stopped caring about customizing every setting on my phone and computer. I must be getting old because I just want them to work.
  27. Not having a TV in our home was a great decision.
  28. I can pay down my debts far quicker than I thought.
  29. Bookkeepers are angels sent from heaven.
  30. Staying actively and deliberately connected with others takes effort. It doesn't happen passively.
  31. The best working music has no lyrics.
  32. Trying to get as much work done as possible, in a finite amount of time, is a recipe for mediocrity.
  33. Start with the smallest, tiniest sliver of an idea, research it, test it, share it, iterate on it. Let an idea bloom into its full glory one small step at a time.
  34. Starting the day early (4:30 to 5am-ish), with tea, reading the Bible, journaling, and a run, is a great foundation for me to start my day with.

Thirty Three

Commemorating my 33rd birthday with thirty three things I’ve learned in the past year.

  1. My wife and kids deserve all of my attention at home.
  2. Work-Life balance is hard when all you think about is work.
  3. Attachment to other people is more important than fun.
  4. It’s a red flag if my kids are begging for contact, physical, emotional, or otherwise. My goal should be to make them feel secure in their parental attachment.
  5. Every decision I make is a choice. “I couldn’t help myself” is an excuse.
  6. My family needs to matter most of all. How much time and attention I give my family is the metric I need to measure.
  7. My wants and desires need to take a backseat to my family. Sacrifice will bring about amazing results.
  8. Even when I’m physically away from my family, I can still be with my family.
  9. Surrounding myself with great friends who hold me accountable for my idiotic nature is priceless.
  10. It’s not hard to meet new people and for them to know you’re interested in their life.
  11. Great leaders are at the front of the battle line.
  12. I have very little clue how to motivate others.
  13. Discipline is a misnomer. Just do it.
  14. Take responsibility for failure. Never blame someone else.
  15. Every trial is an opportunity to be better. Refining fire purifies.
  16. I put off tough tasks with the best of them. Gold-star member of Procrastinators Anonymous.
  17. Debt is easier to accumulate than destroy.
  18. What food I eat plays a big part in how I feel and in turn, how productive I am.
  19. A simple permanent diet change can lead to drastic weight-loss.
  20. I miss the midnight cereal club.
  21. I eat when I’m feeling down, which doesn’t help the waistline.
  22. Working with good people is better than being paid bucket-loads of money.
  23. An employer who trusts you completely is liberating.
  24. Remote work is incredible.
  25. Forty-hour work weeks are lame. Results are a better measure of progress.
  26. I have a lot to learn. About everything.
  27. Rdio will forever be missed.
  28. There’s no such thing as work-free revenue streams.
  29. Taking care of my own health should be a top priority.
  30. Some people on the internet are mean.
  31. Mobile phones shouldn’t be in the bathroom.
  32. I am an epic sinner. Epic.
  33. I believe God has big plans for me. I need to get out of His way.

On Paralysis

I've come to realize that I'm scared. I'm scared what others will think of me. I'm scared that I won't be liked or what I say or think won't be of value to others. In truth, I'm paralyzed by the thought that what I want to contribute won't be appreciated by others, or at the very least, they'll disagree.

Who cares what others think? I've been letting the fact that other people have their own opinions persuade me from letting mine be heard. For what? The fear of them disagreeing with me? That's just silly.

It's time to stop to letting the fear of anonymity, of being ignored, of being disagreed with, prevent me from just documenting my own thoughts. I'll be honest with myself: there's the likelihood that no one is going to read this, and that's ok. I'm going to write for myself. I'm going to document my own processes for my own good, not for anyone else.

Paralysis begone.